Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Lost In A Simple Game

So, work is a bit more bearable seeing as I actually have friends there now. It's funny how up until a couple of weeks ago when two new guys started, no-one on my shift really spoke to each other. And now, we are all as social as social things, even getting to the point where we are organising a night out....Might not sound a big deal, but this will be my first social interaction in the U.K, So it's pretty huge news to me.

Socially I seem to be getting back on track, it's just a shame that other aspects of my life seem to be plummeting. My confidence, despite the making of new friends, is at its lowest since moving from the Island. The problem is, I can't explain why. Well, I probably could but I don't think that is the main reason for my fluctuating moods

Why is it that my moods seem to drastically dip from being remarkably happy one minute, to being borderline depressed the next? I should be happy, I have a job, I have some amazing friends from different areas in my life and I seem to be actually doing well in life right now. So why do I now find the need to want to punch a wall, or scream until things start exploding around me?

Maybe I don't want to be happy, maybe subconsciously I like being depressed all the time. Maybe I actually crave attention, and being happy draws that away from me. But I don't think I am that kind of person, I don't like to bother people with my problems, I don't like to think that I am becoming a burden on my friends lives because every time they talk to me I'm feeling down.

Maybe it's just that I miss the certain people that make me life seem complete.

Maybe the answer is right in front of my face, but I can't see it because I'm always looking for the difficult answer.

Maybe I'll never know.



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